So this week has been busy, stressful, and just hard. I hardly got any hours at work, spent most of my time at school, and have been trying to get this whole church choir thing together. When the Bishop asked me to be the director, he asked me if I had time. How do you say no to the Bishop? Well, I guess "I'm just a girl who can't say no," and I think it comes from my mother, who is always busy serving others.
Today I found out the the usual pianist is having surgery next week and will be out of commission for 6 weeks. All the other possible pianists are people I was counting on to sing. I finally gave in and asked one of them. She was very kind, and agreed, even though I am asking a lot of her at very short notice.
Now, I'm making phone calls, reminding people about the practice. Half of them don't answer. I just got off the phone with one woman who told me that she's decided to simplify her life, and that she's decided that ward choir is one of the things she's cutting. "I'm sorry, but no." I thanked her and hung up the phone, and broke into tears. A few are still leaking out even as I type this.
My first reaction is, well how hard is it to give a half hour on a Sunday morning, singing praises to the God you love? I'm the one doing all the work, all you have to do is show up! My second reaction is, why didn't I say no? Why am I killing myself over this? Am I spreading myself too thin, trying to do so many things that I end up just doing a mediocre job at all of them? I'm having a bit of a crisis, and I'm not even half done with phone calls.